to the girl who once was me
Sebastian Merrill
| poetry
I find comfort in the rhythm
of the tide’s twice-daily cycle,
covering, then revealing
over ten feet of snails and seaweed,
slippery rock. This long, slow breath
a constant reminder of the moon’s
pull, that no transition occurs
in pure isolation. It’s easier
to carry my kayak to the water
when the tide is high. I cinch tight
my life vest before I launch.
The snug hold around my chest
reminds me of binding: the ache
of my back, my tight breath.
I wound muslin over and over
your breasts, tried ACE bandages,
duct tape, compression binders,
learned how to hide your body
so I might be seen. I turned
away from you—
I had to.
Sebastian Merrill’s debut poetry collection GHOST :: SEEDS was selected by Kimiko Hahn as the winner of the 2022 X.J. Kennedy Poetry Prize and is forthcoming in Fall 2023 from Texas Review Press. A member of the 2023 Get the Word Out inaugural poetry cohort for debut writers from Poets & Writers and the 2022-23 winner of the Levis Prize for Poetry from Friends of Writers, Sebastian holds an MFA in Poetry from Warren Wilson College.