pulls down People Magazine asking her friend why J-Lo was wearing “that Cuban flag” during the Super Bowl. I want to tear titles off the front page—Inappropriate & R-Rated the way Pelosi tore Trump’s State of the Union speech. Instead I shuffle through them. The friend asks “what was with Shakira’s tongue thing?” They snicker behind white hands. I want to pelt Globe Magazine at them—cram whole globes into their mouths. Could the twang in their tongues do Zaghrouta then? I can’t ululate either so I bite down and place the cover of caged children singing “Born in the USA” in front of Trump’s Acquitted face. The woman calls the duo’s dancing “soft porn.” I continue searching through the rack, Trump’s Snub to Pelosi: Intentional? Not confirmed. Where’s the title Trump Grabs Pussies Not Hands? The friend asks, “Don’t they know children watch the game.” I look for a shirtless Adam Levine cover from last year to throw into their carts. Because it was the courteous thing to do considering, Pelosi quoted. She’s tearing paper but I know she wants to torch the speech the way I want to set OK! Magazine on fire—watch the letters Oversexualized crumble into the next tabloid. The woman says, “I had to talk about the birds and the bees with my son after.” I hurl Women’s World Magazine’s Let’s Get Loud onto their side of the conveyor belt, they gape at Shakira shackled in rope while I check out.